The Trial of Zeus
by Enno Vy
Summary: Hera is really tired of her husband's endless affairs. What does she do now? Put him on trial of course, like any modern goddess.


Note: I wrote this a couple years ago when we were studying Greek mythology in school, and it just seemed entirely unfair that Zeus could get away with all those affairs. After all, if Bill Clinton could be brought to trial, why not Zeus? Hence the beginnings of this story.

The Trial of Zeus

"Zeus!" Hera came storming into the great hall where, only a moment before, the other gods and goddesses of Mount Olympus had been engaged in merry conversation. Hera's wrath had a dampening effect on the festivity, and the room fell silent as she marched up to her husband.

"Why, Hera, what is the matter?" Zeus asked, breaking off from a rather flirtatious conversation with one of the nymphs.

"_You_ are, so don't act innocent. Zeus, I'm sick and tired of your endless extramarital affairs. You must have had ten million children with mortal women! I have always punished the women, but lately I've been doing some serious thinking on the matter." The hall was silent as all present waited breathlessly for Hera's latest edict, and Zeus frowned. "I believe I shall try a new approach to solving the problem. I shall punish _you_ the next time you are unfaithful to me!"

Zeus protested, "Come, my dear, why be so harsh? Some of my children have been great heroes! They help the world with their courageous deeds."

Hera stamped her foot impatiently. "Great heroes, yes, but that does not alter the fact that they are _illegitimate_."

Zeus saw Athena turn away to hide a smile and Aphrodite clap a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, and he felt acutely uncomfortable. His brother Poseidon shot him a look that said, "I knew you'd get into trouble one day." He turned back to Hera with a rueful smile. "My dear, I think we're embarrassing the others with such talk of our private lives."

Hera snorted with laughter. "Zeus, don't change the subject. All here are intimately acquainted with the details of your indiscretions. Anyway, I came here to inform you that many do not think you are fit to rule over us all."

"What do you mean by – "

"Let me finish! That's the problem with you men – you never listen. To continue with what I was saying, you have no morals! You're supposed to set a good example for the rest of us Immortals as well as the mortals. Instead, you run around with other women for fun! I'm warning you, Zeus, that if you commit adultery just one more time, I'll bring charges against you and have you put on trial for abuse of power." With that, Hera turned on her heels and swept out of the room.

Zeus looked around the room, stunned. "Do you all share Hera's feelings?"

The others quickly averted their eyes and refused to look at him, but Athena replied gently, "You know she's right, Father." There was a murmur of agreement from the crowd.

"My goodness. I never knew that you were that disapproving. In that case, I certainly must try my best to reform."

The goddess of love and beauty regarded him skeptically. "I doubt you can reform any more than you can give up being a god!" she exclaimed.

Chagrinned, Zeus declared, "Just you wait and see then! You'll find no better husband than I from now on."

His vow was met only by an incredulous silence.

Aphrodite found Hera on the balcony gazing down upon the lands of Greece, colored in various shades of green from the grass and trees and in gold from the wheat, and out across the blue sea, where a few vessels were making their way towards the port. Helios had already begun to drive his sun chariot towards home, and shadows fell upon the land. The sky burned with crimson and gold. Hera was leaning against the railing moodily, thinking bitterly of Zeus's dishonorable ways. 

Aphrodite approached the goddess quietly and placed her elbows upon the railing also. Hera acknowledged her presence with a curt nod. "Lovely evening," Aphrodite remarked, hoping to take Hera's mind off Zeus long enough to enjoy the beauty of the coming night.

Hera nodded again, not distracted at all. "What happened after I left?" she asked abruptly. Aphrodite sighed and told her. When she had finished, Hera said bitterly, "As if he really means to keep his promise. He's never cared about how I feel. Never. And he never will."

"Maybe this time he really does . . . ." Aphrodite's voice trailed off. She knew just as well as Hera did that Zeus had never considered how much he hurt his wife by his faithlessness.

Athena, with her owl perched on her shoulder, silently joined the two. The sky was beginning to darken into duller shades of red, and the brilliant colors of the land gradually faded into grayness. "Another day gone," she remarked. "Don't they seem to just fly by?"

"Yes," Aphrodite said with a smile. "We have been around for a long time, haven't we?"

Hera snapped, "We only exist as long as there are mortals to believe in us. At the rate Zeus is fathering illegitimate children, they'll get fed up with him and forget about us all!"

There was nothing to say to this outburst, and the other two goddesses didn't try. At last, Athena broke the silence. "Hera . . . about Zeus's promise – if he keeps it, it will be more to prove us wrong than from a sense of remorse. If you truly want to reform him, we must find a way to put him on trial."

"Yes, we'll do just that, and he'll be sorry." For the first time, Hera looked pleased as she contemplated her husband's next affair. "I think Eros will be willingly to help us."

"Of course he will," said Aphrodite with a smile. "Where's Iris?"

The goddess of the rainbow emerged from the shadows behind them. "Right here, ma'am."

"Good. Listen carefully, Iris," Hera commanded. "I want you to find Eros and tell him to make sure Zeus falls in love with the next beautiful maiden he sees. I mean _really _fall in love with her."

Iris stared at her for a moment, certain that the strain of living with an immoral husband must have temporarily impaired Hera's sanity. Hadn't Hera always punished Zeus's mistresses mercilessly?

"Don't stand there gawking like a fool!" Hera snapped. "Go and do as you're told!"

"Yes ma'am," Iris said and, deciding that it really wasn't any of her business that Hera had gone mad, set off in search of Eros.

The next morning, as Zeus stood on the balcony, he felt a tiny pang in his heart. He just happened to be looking down at earth, and a beautiful young woman walked by. Suddenly, for no reason at all, he fell in love with her, and all his promises of fidelity faded away. Eros watched from a distance, satisfied by the god's response, and he shot an arrow into the woman's heart too so that she'd love Zeus back. Then he flew back to report to Aphrodite.

"Hera," Zeus pleaded that evening. "I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to break my promise. I give you my word that it will never happen again. Please believe me."

Hera looked at him contemptuously. "That's just too bad for you. We've arranged a trial for you already. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go see to the preparations for the trial." She turned to go.

Zeus watched her, puzzled. "But how did you know about what I did so soon? I just told you – Hera! Get back here!"

"Say 'please'," she flung back at him over her shoulder.

Zeus gritted his teeth. "_Please_ come back, Hera." When she stood before him again, he grabbed her arms. "Don't tell me you had something to do with this affair!" he exclaimed, already knowing the answer in his heart.

"All right, since you insisted, I won't tell you."

"Hera, Hera, Hera, why are you doing this to me?" Zeus asked miserably.

"Because you deserve it," she replied icily and turned to leave. 

Zeus stared after her. "There are times when I wish I'd never married you," he told her back.

"We can always get a divorce," she snapped without bothering to turn around.

"No, I didn't really mean it!" Sinking into a chair, he wondered what it would be like to be put on trial and humiliated in front of all the gods and goddesses.

The trial began the next morning in the great hall. Apollo, the god of light and truth, had been unanimously chosen to be the presiding judge. He now seated himself on Zeus's erstwhile throne and rapped on the marble armrest with a branch of laurel. "Order, order in the court," he called. The gods and goddesses and not a few of the ghosts of Zeus's mortal mistresses sat down on long benches facing Apollo. The defendant stood on Apollo's left, glaring at Hera, who glared right back at him from the judge's right. Aphrodite and Athena stood by her side calmly. "The trial _Hera v. Zeus_ will now begin," Apollo declared. "Do any of you wish to make opening remarks?"

Hera spoke up. "We are putting Zeus on trial for abuse of power and adultery today. He will be given a fair trial and opportunities to defend himself, privileges he does not deserve."

"Hera!" Apollo reproved, and then said, "You may call your first witness."

Hera chose the princess Danae first. "Come, Danae, and tell us how you came to know Zeus."

Danae stood before Apollo and explained that an oracle foretold that her son would kill his grandfather, Acrisius. Her father then locked her up in a tower so she'd never marry. "However, Zeus came to me in a golden shower and gave me a child, Perseus, who killed the monster Medusa." She said this last part with more pride than Hera thought necessary.

"So, tell me, Danae, did you actually _wish_ to have a son who would also kill your father?" asked Athena.

Poor Danae looked uncertain and stuttered, "Well, I didn't want to have him killed, but – but I just never thought to say 'no' to great Zeus himself."

"So, in other words, he forced you to indirectly murder your own father!" Athena exclaimed, in mock surprise.

"I – I suppose," Danae wavered.

"That is terrible!" Athena turned to Zeus. "Father, what do you say to such a serious charge?"

"The man was destined to die, Athena," Zeus replied. "The oracle said as much."

"Yes," she retorted, "but if you hadn't come to her, she wouldn't have had a child and her father wouldn't have died. So you were an accomplice in the murder of a king! How wicked!" Athena nodded at Danae. "Thank you, you may sit down."

"Our next witness," Hera announced, "is Alcmena, mother of Zeus's son Heracles. Tell us about _your_ relationship with Zeus!"

Alcmena could not help squirming under Hera's wrath. She did not wish to be punished by Hera, but she didn't want to alienate Zeus either. Aphrodite saw this and said gently, "There will be no retaliations and no grudges, Alcmena. Just tell the court the truth."

Alcmena hesitated and then said, "Zeus pretended to be my love, Amphitryon. We were supposed to be married, but Zeus tricked me into marrying him instead." She flashed a venomous look in Zeus's direction. Hera hid a smile. "I got stuck with _his _baby."

Hera said, "So he _made_ you be unfaithful to the man you truly loved!"

"Yes, indeed!" Alcmena said furiously. 

"Did this ever put a strain on your marriage?" Aphrodite asked.

"Oh, no," Alcmena said, shaking her head vigorously. "For some reason, Amphitryon was never jealous of Zeus. But _I_ have never forgiven him, even if Heracles did turn out to be a great hero."

Hera smiled triumphantly at Zeus and then turned to Alcmena. "I heard that the old prophet Tiresias told you that you should feel honored to be Heracles's mother."

"Yes, he did, and while I'm proud of my son's deeds, I do not like the way in which he came to exist."

Greatly amused, Hera asked Zeus if he had anything to say in his defense. "But I had to do it," he protested. "We needed this hero to help save the world."

"Oh, be quiet," Hera snapped. "I'm tired of your lame excuses."

Athena, Aphrodite, and Hera called up mistress after mistress, and after a while Zeus didn't even bother to defend his actions anymore. He already knew that he would be found guilty. He only wanted the judge to announce his sentence.

"My next witness is Echo," Hera declared. "Echo, are you here?"

"Here, here, here," a voice repeated.

"Just for today, Echo, you may speak your mind instead of other people's last words. Now tell us what Zeus had you do."

The thin voice said softly, "While he flirted with the other nymphs, I was to chat with you and keep you from catching him with them."

"So he had you try to cover up the truth!"

Yes . . . ."

"Go on with your story."

"You figured it out one day and punished me by saying that I could only repeat the last words of what anyone else said. After a while, I faded away and all that was left of me was my voice."

"That is obstruction of justice, Zeus," Apollo said gravely. "That's a serious charge."

"I know," Zeus replied sulkily.

Apollo shook his head. "Back to you three goddesses, then."

"That was our last witness, Apollo," Athena told him.

"Very well then, we shall reach a verdict now. Will all those who think Zeus is guilty please move to the right side of the room – my right, I mean?"

The gods and goddesses all moved en masse to the right and stood before Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. Zeus stared at them. "But I never meant to abuse my power," he begged. "I was just too impulsive and thoughtless." Hera gave him a disgusted look.

Apollo gazed down at him reflectively. "We haven't decided on a sentence yet, Zeus," he reminded him. Then he thought for a moment. "The sentence," he declared, looking pleased with himself, "will be that Poseidon shall reign in your place for one entire year." Zeus gasped, and the room became deathly silent. Hera looked a little uneasy. She hadn't meant to completely dethrone her husband, only to teach him a lesson. "_However_," Apollo added, and the tension decreased considerably, "on the grounds that the defendant is evidently filled with remorse at his past deeds, I will suspend the sentence unless Zeus commits adultery again – and willingly. It doesn't count if he's tricked into it."

A loud cheer from all the Immortals then shook Mount Olympus. Hera smiled ruefully at Zeus from across the room. He went to her and hugged her. "I've really learned my lesson, Hera," he said. "I really have."

"Humph," was all she had to say, but she hugged him back anyway.

From then on, no more was heard of Zeus's affairs, and if he did continue to fall in love with every lovely woman he came across, he was careful not to let word of his latest infidelity reach Hera's or Apollo's ears. What is known for certain is that after his trial, he was a much wiser ruler who took pains to avoid abusing his power.


End file.
